


Someone has to leave first

by thisismetrying



Category: The Folk of the Air - Holly Black
Genre: Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-01
Updated: 2019-12-01
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:41:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21626248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisismetrying/pseuds/thisismetrying
Summary: In the end, it’s Cardan.It’s Cardan who leaves Elfhame.30 years to the day of their coronation and Cardan leaves Elfhame.OR the Richard Siken quote that got me in the feels
Relationships: Jude Duarte/Cardan Greenbriar
Comments: 4
Kudos: 102





	Someone has to leave first

**Author's Note:**

> Basically, I was browsing edits on Tumblr and just needed to write this angst-ridden piece.

_"Someone has to leave first. This is a very old story. There is no other version of this story." - Richard Siken_

_****_

In the end, it’s Cardan. 

It’s Cardan who leaves Elfhame.

30 years to the day of their coronation and Cardan leaves Elfhame. 

****

They have long since passed their crown unto Oak. Jude dutifully advises and protects her younger brother. The crown. Faerie. 

Although Jude often grumbles about all the court machinations she must handle, all the plots she must find out, Cardan knows that she loves it. 

He does not. 

When they first passed the crown to Oak, Cardan had tried to get Jude to leave the court. They could go, live out their days in peace on an isle somewhere, visiting occasionally. They could leave the dazzling court and all the schemes that lay just behind the pretty veneer. He knows he can live with just her.

Jude said she needed to stay and help Oak. He was so young still, and he could only really trust family. Who knows what would happen to him and the crown without her? 

Cardan relents when he sees the earnest in her eyes. 

_Okay, one year,_ he had said. She had kissed him with such fervor, and in the aftermath of their lovemaking that day, Cardan had thought, _Whatever she wants, it’s worth it._

One year turns into two. Two turns into a half-dozen. Then a decade. Then decades.

He brings it up ever so often, but Jude comes up with more reasons to stay. Eventually, he comes to resent these as excuses.

_Aren’t I enough for you?_ He wants to scream. He knows that she’s enough for him - she always has been. 

_Of course,_ she says, with an eye roll. _But our life is here._

But Cardan doesn’t feel life. He slowly feels the court sucking away at his, like the roots of the palace might one day grow and strangle the life out him. 

Jude, however, Jude is as radiant and vibrant as ever. Even though her magic is long gone, passed down when they gave the crown to Oak, she looks as beautiful as ever. 

One night, she successfully stops an assassination attempt on Oak. With the would-be assassin’s blood dripping down her knife, the shiny metal reflecting off of her ruby necklace, she looks positively magnificent.

****

Cardan packs his bag in the middle of the night. He does not know what he’ll need in the mortal world, so his bag is really an assortment of random things. Ragwort stalks, precious jewels, faerie wine. A lock of Jude’s hair. 

He leaves in the middle of the day, while the rest of faerie is asleep. He leaves a note for Jude saying he has gone to the mortal world and he will not be back. He writes out all that he can think to say, of his love, of his passion, of his anger, of his despair. Of his fear. Cardan has never been good with words, but somehow, he manages.

He knows that if he said this to her face, she wouldn’t even need to try very hard to convince him to stay.

That is why he leaves in the dead of the day, pressing one last kiss to Jude’s forehead as she sleeps.

A part of him (most of him) desperately hopes that she follows. Once she’s in the mortal world, she will age and maybe she will see that court is not all that life has in store. She will always be beautiful to him, so Cardan cares not what the mortal world does to her body. He only wants her, just her again.

He hopes she follows. He knows she won’t.

And this is why he leaves first.

****

_"Someone has to leave first. This is a very old story. There is no other version of this story." - Richard Siken_


End file.
